obv, the first reason that i did not want to go was doubting my capability, i was so afraid of so many things.
- not being able to perform well at a CI's level
- not being able to jell the cadets
- not being able to instill and inculcate my objective
- not being able to drive my points properly
- over running
-conflicts
overall, it was just lack of confidence.
second reason was the company, cuz i was the only girl, i was afraid of feeling lonely, going to loo's alone in the dark creepy school. however, ls and jh was there, they were willing to acc me and all which is soooo damn not typical-ls-jh-pattern.
the cadet's had their squad goal- confidence.
via their squad goal, i was able to set use their goal, manipulate myself, to achieve and perform better. i wanted to be confident and be a good role model too.
i was very particular about how im going to conduct my mass debrief. for me, i felt that mass debrief is the critical and most important "activity", it sums everything up, and is where, they really understand what we wanna try to portray and bring to them.
the rest affirmed me and told me i was a good coord( despite some other weakness etc), they tried to boost my "ego" and wanted to make me feel sense of achievement etc. however, i felt that there was still many goals i wanted to fufill for this camp were not met, one of which was the very very crucial and impt goal- jelling them.
i felt that i didnt put in more effort to jell them, there were too much unnecessary lectures, more modular course shld have be implemented, i felt really disappointed cuz i really wanted them to feel the bond, feel like a family. probably, they appear to be, but deep down, i felt that the bond wasnt there, it wasnt that strong or in depth as what i exp during my own nco camp:(
there are indeed many takeaways for the cadets via this camp, but there are also plenty of takeaways for me and i will definitely never ever regret taking up as coord/ic for npcc events anymore:)
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